At the very least, most girls have to battle eating disorders at some point from seeing themselves jiggling naked on camera so much. 329)“A week into shooting, I did a scene with Kylie Ireland, Felicia, and Vince Voyeur.And, speaking of exposure, every time you’re on set you’re swapping fluids with someone, so your body is constantly fighting colds and flus. That night, when I returned from work, I had a sore throat….
94)“ To keep all of my body in focus and in the light, I had to bend and contort into all sorts of unnatural positions that were supposed to look effortless… He’s an obese, greasy, slovenly man, and was very touchy-feely with both of us. And that’s probably because I’d been in a world of strip-club owners, porn directors, and suitcase pimps for most of my adult life.
We canceled shooting that day because no one could work. Maybe it’s because I would be ashamed, maybe afraid. As life goes racing by me, all the while my soul goes on with sickness. I’m certainly scared that if I try to fix what has broken in me, so long ago, I may not succeed. Nikki used to call me her ‘Gypsy.’ I always laughed when she said that, because I know it’s not only from all my travels. 419)“There are times when I wish the industry had a union, because the shooting schedules are inhumane. I’m still not sure why the pain was so sharp – I may have been swollen from the workout I had already been through in the previous girl-girl scenes.” (Pg.
The next day, Steve told us that it had been a false positive. I realize I have avoided my pain for as long as I can remember. So I go on faking that I am whole, proud, and strong… My heart is a gypsy – continuously searching for a home, fighting within itself, wondering whether it is weak or even right for that matter to be searching in the first place. I don’t really know what the urgency is I feel: Loneliness or complete heartbreak? I still have hope that I will find peace within myself, and that must be what it’s about. It generally takes a good three weeks to shoot even the crappiest independent film; we do it in one to six days.” (Pg. 423)“Most girls get their first experience in gonzo films - in which they're taken to a crappy studio apartment in Mission Hills and penetrated in every hole possible by some abusive asshole who thinks her name is Bitch.
Before this announcement, no one in the industry to any of our knowledge had contracted the HIV virus before. Not wanting to let what’s in the mirror of my life stare back at me. Within minutes, he was pounding me over and over, in every position I’d ever imagine and some I hadn’t, until finally, with one last climactic pop, he was done. 374)“When it came time for my first boy-girl scene, Rod, of course, cast himself as my partner. I doubled over in pain, rocking and moaning and clutching myself for fifteen minutes.
And condoms were rarely used in films that that time. I never take the time to feel the effects of my choices. Because the one that should be nursing it is too busy trying to succeed and be accepted. It took another six hours before I was ready to have sex again.