When we have sex together, it feels like it’s all about how or when you get off and not about me, too. I mean, you’re there and I’m touching you, aren’t I?
My friends say girls like it the way we do it just fine, and the ones that don’t just have something wrong with them.
You: Hey – this feels great, and I’d like to keep on doing it if you would, but I just want to press pause for a sec to make sure we’re on the same page. Them: Yeah, I like this too, and if you want to have dry sex, I could be down with that, but that all by itself is great for me, too. Just keep me posted with any changes if you start to feel differently, and I’ll do the same. Alternate Conversation: You: Hey – this feels great, and I’d like to keep on doing it if you would, but I want to stop for a sec to make sure we’re on the same page. (keeps kissing) You: Whoah: it’s really important to me that I take a minute now, so I need you to do that, too. You: You know, if we can’t do things like just take a minute to check in and lay down some boundaries and ground rules – and that’s all I needed to do – while this felt really good, I don’t want to keep going with it. If you’re ready to talk about this another time, you can call me. I’ve been having the hardest time talking about what I like and what I don’t.
You: I’d like to keep making out, and I’m probably comfortable with some dry sex if you are, but I know I don’t want to go further than that this soon. You: You know what, let’s stop for a minute and talk.
I’m worked up right now, too, but that doesn’t mean it’s a good idea for me to go farther before I’m ready, or that it’s fair to suggest that I should do more than I’m comfortable with because you’re excited. Them: (stammers) You: I don’t mean to put you on the spot, it’s just that I’d rather talk about it together first than just make a move that I’m not sure you want or are ready for.
You: I’m cool going to the bedroom if you want to, but I don’t feel like it’s time for me to step things up yet. There’s also some things we should just sort out in advance, like, we’ve never talked about our sexual histories, or where we both see this relationship going these days.
Them: Well, I embarrass myself in front of you almost every day and you still like me.
And my feelings shouldn’t be hurt about what you like and you don’t: if they are, that’s my thing to deal with, not yours.
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