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SPORTY GERMAN MALE “I never, ever got involved in sport,” said Winston Churchill wisely. My one brief encounter with Sporty German Male included a doomed mini-break to Mallorca. “If you were fat, my sweetness, you would not be here!

While many German men are often six feet tall and blond, Aristos are always six feet tall and blond.

Over-use of gel in dyed hair with mussed bed-head being particular popular at the moment. The Pros: Sporty German Males enjoy robust health and look like a 30-something whipper-snappers when they’re really 56.

Check his wardrobe for pedometers, clothing with Adidas or Puma labels and Nordic Walking Sticks. He will also invite you on Kur (Health Spa) “holidays” at least four times a year.

But before you enter the minefield that is German-men-dating, be sure you know what's awaiting you.

The Survival Bible has put together a guide to some common Teutonic types.

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