I don’t want to be someone who decides to have a child because I feel that’s what I should do, rather than it being something I choose with my whole heart and soul.
The indecision, however, was making me so unhappy: on the one hand I felt like if I didn’t have kids I would be missing out on this huge thing.
Time was not on my side and if I wanted to have children, I had to seriously work out how that would happen.
If I really did, I would have made it happen for me somehow.Whether that’s by actually dating people seriously rather than for fun, or being excited by the prospect of getting pregnant by a donor.I think the dread comes from knowing that it’s not the right decision for me, but feeling pressured to have one for fear I won’t be happy and fulfilled. It’s almost comical that you can live this amazing existence of travelling, excelling at work, having a lot of loving friends and family, yet it all boils down to this one thing.And on the flipside, we all know there are questionable parents out there – having a kid doesn’t make you a happy person or a great parent by default.In fact, I know of couples who had kids to fix the cracks in their relationship with disastrous results.