Come learn a set of simple rules for going deep with anyone, anytime.
This experiential class will be a series of encounters.
That doesn’t mean you have to be careful, just that you have to care. If you’re not into someone, that just means you know a couple places the journey won’t go. The road to long-term partnership will remain gated and locked. What you don’t yet know is where else it’s possible for you to go.
Imagining yourself from their perspective informs your moment-to-moment choices about what to share, to ask, to offer. They lose themselves in the minutia of their date’s responses. Putting all your attention on the other person keeps you hidden. What does it really mean that you’re “not into” them? There are parts of the map you’ve never investigated. If you were dating for partnership, the goal would be to find a partner.
The unique beauty of your dating partner will quickly become apparent to you. When intimacy is your goal, you don’t hang out on the surface waiting for the conditions to be right.
To attract a potential partner, or pursue one, or hold onto one, you have to play games. Now you remember that dating is really a primordial quest for the magic of intimacy. For some mysterious reason, it will be the only date you’ll ever have. If you can find out what the secret is, it will change you forever.
And you’re never going to squeeze magic out of a checklist. You’re really dating for the magic, but you’ve learned to play games to get yourself a partner, and every bit of game playing shuts the magic tap off a little tighter. You start off by letting yourself be taken by their unique beauty. In turn, you do your best to let the other person see you. You didn’t postpone anything in service of some potential future. Deep Dating is the art of creating intimacy right now, today, on this date.
Withhold your real self unless you think they might be “the one”. If you decide they’re not, come up with a pretext to get out of it. Imagine someone you like has invited you on a first date, or that you’ve invited them. As you feel more and more deeply connected, you come to trust one another. Eventually, the power of your connection changes you, makes you more into the person you’ve always wished you could be. All of this has happened in a single encounter, a few hours together.
The most important rule of Deep Dating is that each date you’re on is the only date you’ll ever have. There are great advantages to treating each date as if it’s the only one. No one likes small talk, but we waste our time on it because it’s safe. How does hearing about the other person’s experience change your experience?
If you only have one date, the date you’re on right now IS the relationship. For one, you have to actively create the date, moment by moment, rather than waiting for the date to happen to you. Real talk is risky, unpredictable, and sometimes even awkward! Answer these questions, and you give someone a window into your world. It goes without saying that game playing is the opposite of being real.